This is going to be an interesting ride...

I've moved my blog over to Tumblr.

I can now be found over at my new MeshBoats site.
If you have bookmarks, please update them, as any new content will be at Tumblr. Most of my posts will still be duplicated here, but check on the Tumblr, just to be safe.


Friday, May 21, 2010

Uno. Dos. Tres. Etc.

You know, I used to be really good at the game Uno. Really good. As in, I won a lot. But right around the time my wife was pregnant with Trinity, those skills began to wane. I'm convinced that the child has somehow stolen my crazy Uno-winning mojo and gave them right to her mother. Trin is 4 years old now, and I haven't won a game in quite some time. Rae and I tend to play these long, drawn-out games to 1000 points, and they usually span about 6 months to a year before we finish a game. This latest round is very sad in the Jorjiverse. As it stands now, she has approximately 630 points. I'm almost ashamed to admit it, but I'm at a whopping 88 points. I'm not going to win this round, but I'm going to keep playing because I just love to play. I'm not a sore loser. I'm just a loser. Trinity, when you are old enough to read this, I will probably be at the point where I'm not scoring at all, and Mommy's simply tossing all her cards at the pile before I can even put down my first (after having to draw four a few thousand times, of course.) I want my skills back, Trin. I need to be an Uno ninja again. Daddy loves you. Punk.

Peace OutSide!

Monday, May 3, 2010

Conversations with Li'l Chaos (the 4-year-old) Part 3

A lovely bedtime story for you. The other night I went upstairs to help Li'l Chaos pick out some pajamas before continuing with the bedtime routine. She asked if she could wear her zip-up jammies. It had been a very warm day, and her room was still pretty toasty. Too toasty to be wearing toasty jammies, so I told her "No," and picked out a set of shorts-and-t-shirt jammies for her, explaining that she shouldn't wear anything with long sleeves tonight. She pointed out another pair of jammies, asking if she could wear those ones. They weren't zip-up jammies, but they were long sleeves and long pants. I explained, again, why she couldn't wear those jammies:

Me: Trin, I just said that you shouldn't wear anything long tonight. It's far too hot in your room for that.
Trinity: Why?
Me: Come in here. (We both walk into the bedroom.) See how warm it is? Way too hot for warm jammies, right?
Trinity: Uh huh.
Me: Okay, so put these ones on, and we can go downstairs and have a snack.
Trinity: Can I wear these ones tomorrow?
Me: Which ones?
Trinity: (Holding up the shorts set) These ones.
Me: What would you wear tonight?
Trinity: Those ones. (Once again, indicating the long sleeve set.)
Me: Trin, I just finished explaining to you that it's too hot for those.
Trinity: Why?
Me: Because it was hot out today, and it's still hot in your room, and you will be too hot if you put those ones on! Do you understand??
Trinity: (looking straight up at the ceiling, with a brief, thoughtful pause.) ...Last time it was my birthday.
Me: Please just go downstairs...

I like to refer to conversations like these as "Eye-Fork Conversations" because by the end of the conversation, I want to stick a fork in my eye. I love my kids. And I'm fairly certain I'll also love being in that padded room, wearing my nice, new I-love-me jacket sometime when they're all teens.

Peace OutSide!

Saturday, May 1, 2010

This Topic Has No Topic

I'm writing to rant, and ranting to write.
Here are some things I hate:

-VW Beetle drivers who take WIDE turns. Seriously?

-Drivers who go out of their way to cut you off so they can continue to go slow without anyone in their way.

-Not being able to talk to an actual human being on the phone when I call customer service numbers.

-Talking to human beings who I can't understand when I call customer service numbers. "Yeah, can I get the automated voice back, please? It was more helpful than you."

-The "Stand Clear - Automatic Sliding Door" stickers. WTF?? Why am I going to stand clear?? If it swings out and hits me, IT'S BROKEN!

-Broken automatic sliding doors. Man, I feel dumb standing in front of this thing, after almost walking into it.

-When one side of a double door is locked. I almost always choose the locked one to try to open. Someone is seriously out to make me feel like an idiot. Unlock them both! Just in case I feel the sudden need to burst through them like a super hero!

*disclaimer - may be considered icky*
-Urine on the floor of the men's room. Dude, it's not that big. Take a step in. We're aiming (pun intended) for cleanliness here, not distance.

-People who set their cell phone to "speaker" and then HOLD IT IN FRONT OF THEIR FACE ANYWAY. (I drive past these geniuses on a regular basis.) You're not thinking this through, are you? You've got the damn phone IN YOUR HAND! What's the difference between holding it to your ear and holding it in front of your face?! A few inches, maybe? Either buy yourself a mount, so you can use the speaker feature without looking like a complete loser, or just talk on it like a normal, sane, pre-cancerous human being. Better yet, hang up and drive, because you are obviously incapable of logical thought with that thing in your hand.

-Ketchup juice. yeah, I said it.

-Cold pizza. Sorry, I just can't do it.

-Tomatoes. Here's where I'm weird. (Shoosh, I know what you're thinking.) I like just about everything that's made with tomatoes, but I can't stand actual tomatoes. It's a very strange, alien, larval fruit-thing. Nice-looking on the outside, slime and seeds on the inside. Sorry, but I prefer my fruit to be solid all the way through. Tomatoes aren't done yet. Ever. Peppers are made right, but I don't like them, either.

-People who, when they cross the street in front of your car on foot, run halfway, then stop to walk once they are in front of you. It's as if they are saying, "Whoa, I gotta hurry up before they change their mind!" Then, "Haha, you can't go now because I'm here." Sometimes I just want to start rolling forward when they do that. Maybe it'll scare them into continuing that little sprint they didn't want to finish.

I guess I lied. We had a topic. A somewhat angry topic, but oh well. I hope you're at least somewhat amused. There are, of course, plenty of other things that tick me off, but my anger tank is empty. I'm off to enjoy the nice weather. The sun makes me happy. Right before it burns my eyeballs out of my head.

Peace OutSide!